4/24/2015

The Cake Is A Lie

By Laura Moncur @ 8:21 am — Filed under:

I was looking through my saved images in a folder called “Starling Fitness Ideas,” and I found this one:

The Cake Is A Lie Diet from Starling Fitness

It reads:

The Cake Is A Lie Diet: Lose 17 pounds a week by changing your diet with this one simple tip!

Awarded for: “Watch an inspirational video on YouTube or TED.”

I have a vague memory of an app that I played with that gave me awards and kudos for doing good things in my life, but I cannot for the life of me remember where this came from or even why I saved it.

“The Cake Is A Lie” is a meme that came from the game Portal. In that game, the computer voice kept promising me that if I completed the tasks, that there would be cake at the end. About halfway through the game, you come to this creepy hallway and the phrase, “The cake is a lie,” is scrawled over and over on the wall.

The Cake is a Lie image via Project Reroll

At the end of the game, you realize that there is no cake and you have been doing all these things for nothing. The phrase “The Cake Is A Lie” has come to mean that a promised gift is being used to motivate you without any intent of delivering it. For a while there, I couldn’t log onto Facebook without seeing this image it was so popular.

The Cake is a Lie Meme from Starling Fitness

The truth of the matter is, the cake IS a lie. Every time I eat cake, I am trying to recreate that intense feeling of ecstasy that I had the first time I ever ate cake. I am trying to get that same hit of dopamine that I got when I first had cake. The problem is that the more cake I eat, the less of a dopamine hit I get until I need to eat cake all day long EVERY day to just feel normal. The promise of the cake is a lie.

Then again, the promise of the “fit” life is a lie, too. I remember being at 150 pounds and being so close to goal and STILL feeling miserable. I had told myself that when I got skinny, I would be happy. I had told myself that when I lost the weight, I would love myself. That was a lie just as much as the cake was.

Eating the cake was a lie. Not eating the cake was a lie.

THAT is the sense of hopelessness I had when I stepped into my first Overeater’s Anonymous meeting. I hated myself when I was fat. I hated myself when I was thin. I couldn’t stop eating and I didn’t want to eat anymore. I was in a No-Win situation and I had no idea what to do. That’s why I got a sponsor. That’s why I did EVERYTHING she told me to do. That’s why I cleared the wreckage of my past and started fresh. That’s why I was willing to meditate every day and make a “God Box.”

I knew the cake was a lie and I knew that I couldn’t stop eating it.


Overeater’s Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog. I speak only of my personal experience and not for OA as a whole.

4/22/2015

Ali Vincent: Believe It, Be It

By Laura Moncur @ 11:30 am — Filed under:

I wrote about Ali Vincent winning the Biggest Loser back in 2008.

Believe It, Be It: How Being the Biggest Loser Won Me Back My Life at Amazon.comThe weird thing is that I read her book, Believe It, Be It: How Being the Biggest Loser Won Me Back My Life, and I never talked about it here, despite LOVING it. I find it so strange when there is something that has really helped me and I somehow forgot to mention it on this blog. This book is one of those things.

Ali Vincent is still very active and has her own website here:

I remembered her and that inspiring book because her quote from it came up on the random Quotations Page:

When you have the courage to tell the truth about what youre really afraid of fear doesnt have control over your life. Ali Vincent from The Quotations Page

It reads:

When you have the courage to tell the truth about what you’re really afraid of, fear doesn’t have control over your life.

  • Ali Vincent, Believe It, Be It: How Being the Biggest Loser Won Me Back My Life, 2009

I really liked her book when I read it and there are TONS of quotes from that book that are inspiring:

If you are feeling uninspired, give her book a chance and read it.

3/30/2015

Eating Anything You Want To

By Laura Moncur @ 7:34 am — Filed under:

This quote from Tom Hanks is pure genius:

Eating everything you want is not that much fun. When you live a life with no boundaries theres less joy. If you can eat anything you want to whats the fun in eating anything you want to Tom Hanks from The Quotations Page

It reads:

Eating everything you want is not that much fun. When you live a life with no boundaries, there’s less joy. If you can eat anything you want to, what’s the fun in eating anything you want to?

  • Tom Hanks, Esquire, June 2006

It’s true. There is less joy when I let myself eat anything I want, especially since it devolves into depression and constant eating very quickly. Paradoxically, limiting my food makes me HAPPIER. It makes no sense, but it does work.

3/12/2015

A Fruit Stand: How The Heroine Ate Her Way Through Cruises

By Laura Moncur @ 1:38 pm — Filed under:

The only reason I know that this fruit stand was in a foreign country is because the newspaper the fruit is sitting on is in Spanish.

Fruit Stand How The Heroine Ate Her Way Through Cruises from Starling Fitness

I believe I took this photo while we were on an excursion on a cruise. I vaguely remember eating fruit out of a plastic cup.

The funny thing is, when I remember all the cruises I’ve been on, I can hardly remember this glorious fruit stand. In fact, I remember very little of the food from the cruises. I ate constantly while I was on them, but the memories of the food are hazy and vague.

What I DO remember from the cruises was playing trivia and winning a trophy for it. I remember sitting on the balcony off our room, relaxing, reading and talking with my family. I remember swimming with manta rays in Cozumel.

I remember seeing whales in Cabo San Lucas.

I easily gained ten pounds on each cruise I went on, but I don’t remember the food at all. I’m going to learn from this. I’m going to remember ONE thing about eating on cruises: I’m not going to remember it, so I might as well eat as little as possible.

3/4/2015

Glutton: A Restaurant and a Sign

By Laura Moncur @ 3:47 pm — Filed under:

When I was doing the Color Run in Las Vegas last weekend, I ran right past it. “Glutton” the sign read:

Glutton Restaurant from Starling Fitness

I had no idea that they made a restaurant dedicated to my eating disorder. This is not a restaurant review and I’m sure they are a lovely restaurant with delicious food. That wasn’t the point.

The point was the sign. It said, “Glutton.”

Despite all my work in Overeater’s Anonymous, I still have the disease. I know this because I had been planning the binge I was going to go on after the run. I was literally thinking about which Las Vegas Buffet I was going to eat at when I saw that sign. Glutton? Why, yes. Yes, I am.

The truth of the matter is that whenever I do intense exercise like a 5K run, it makes me crave food. Intense exercise makes me want to binge. I know it’s good for me every once and a while, but I really think that I do better with walking, weight training and yoga. They just don’t seem to inspire fantasies about food the way an intense run does.

Am I still doing the Color Run in Salt Lake City? You betcha! Am I still training for it? Only once a week instead of 3-4 times a week. Am I going to eat at Glutton Restaurant? I don’t think I can. It just hits a little too close to home and the reality of my situation.


Overeater’s Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog. I speak only of my personal experience and not for OA as a whole.

2/27/2015

Beautiful Food

By Laura Moncur @ 9:27 am — Filed under:

I was looking through my photos from a trip to Vegas a while ago and I found a picture of some beautiful desserts. I made them into a poster:

Beautiful food isn't for eating. It's for looking at. Don't get drawn into the trap! from Starling Fitness

It reads:

Beautiful food isn’t for eating. It’s for looking at. Don’t get drawn into the trap!

I didn’t eat any of those desserts. I remember that trip and I was WAY too broke to spend eight dollars on a tiny dessert, so I just snapped a photo and went on my way. I remember feeling deprived at the time, but right now, I couldn’t care less. I wouldn’t have been able to remember how that dessert tasted if I could have afforded it, but I certainly would be regretting the extra fat it would have put on my body.

If I can remember this, it will help me the next time I feel deprived. There have been MANY times when I could afford the expensive dessert and I can’t remember what they tasted like. I don’t remember having a better time when I could afford the dessert than the time when I couldn’t.

Good times aren’t about the food I ate. They are about the people I spend them with.

Those desserts were beautiful, but beautiful food isn’t for eating. It’s for attracting customers… attracting consumers. The next time you’re tempted by some beautiful food in a glass case, remember that it’s not food for eating. It’s food for looking at.

2/5/2015

Hey, Wanna Get Baked?

By Laura Moncur @ 8:00 am — Filed under:

This commercial from Weight Watchers is SPOT ON about how I feel about food.

Weight Watchers is a great diet, but it never helped me get beyond the bingeing. Even when I got down to 150 pounds on their diet, I was still bingeing and purging with exercise. It’s a great diet, but I just couldn’t follow it.

That’s because, in my experience, the eating problem is not just diet and exercise. That is only the physical aspect of the problem. There is also an emotional and spiritual aspect as well. For me, working the Steps of the Overeater’s Anonymous program helped clear up the emotional side of my problems. Meditating every day helped me with the spiritual side.

It was only when I had ALL THREE working and cleared up did the bingeing go away. Weight Watchers gave me a diet and it’s a pretty good one if you want to follow it. But what I needed was more and I didn’t find it until I lost every bit of pride and walked my butt into the door at Overeater’s Anonymous.


Overeater’s Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog. I speak only of my personal experience and not for OA as a whole.

1/8/2015

SEVEN Fruits You’re Eating Wrong

By Laura Moncur @ 9:32 am — Filed under:

I LOVE this video showing me how to eat various fruits!

The hardest part of eating some fruits is finding out how to cut them up or get them out of their rind.

After seeing this, my only thought was, “But how do I eat a star fruit?!” Fortunately, I found a video about this as well.

I have seen star fruits and kiwis in the store so many times and wondered how they are eaten and what they taste like. I was scared to buy star fruit, but now that I’ve seen this, I’m stoked to go try it!

1/4/2015

All Other Education Is Good for Nothing

By Laura Moncur @ 6:06 pm — Filed under:

This is one of the quotes that convinced me that I had been living my life incorrectly.

The secret of all success is to know how to deny yourself. Prove that you can control yourself, and you are an educated man; and without this all other education is good for nothing. R. D. Hitchcock from The Quotations Page

It reads:

The secret of all success is to know how to deny yourself. Prove that you can control yourself, and you are an educated man; and without this all other education is good for nothing.

  • R. D. Hitchcock

I had known that living a life of hedonism was wrong. I had learned that over the years, but I never knew of the concept of sophrosyne. I had never been taught that self-control and moderation could create a healthy state of being. Sure, I had heard the phrase, “All things in moderation,” but it wasn’t a way of life for me.

In fact, I loved to find objections to that rule. Really? All things in moderation? How much rat poison is moderate?

Despite that, the concept of living a moderate life has brought me FAR more happiness than hedonism ever did. Being able to deny myself has given me more peace of mind, happiness and calm than over-doing it ever did.

And YES, all my other education was good for NOTHING in the face of that hedonism. NOTHING. It didn’t matter that I had a degree. It didn’t matter that I was a writer. NOTHING mattered except more and more eating. There was no way to stop it, no matter how much I learned about the dopamine response, it was useless without the ability to deny myself.

And I haven’t learned how to deny myself, really. I just handed all those decisions about food over to a part of mind that continually makes better decisions than I ever did. Should I eat that? What does my FitBit say? Has my meal alarm went off? What does Lose It say? Do I have any calories left? I don’t make those decisions anymore, because when I did, I chose hedonism. I can’t be trusted to make those decisions, so sophrosyne is in charge, not me.

I am so surprised that this quote means so much to me. It has literally saved my life.

12/28/2014

Education

By Laura Moncur @ 2:56 pm — Filed under:

I saw this quote today and it made me think about my eating disorder.

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. Robert Frost from The Quotations Page

It reads:

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence.

  • Robert Frost

As far as my binge-eating disorder goes, I had A LOT of education about it. I read everything I could about it, but that didn’t stop me from bingeing. No matter how much I learned about it, I couldn’t stop my bingeing. Education helped me realize that it was a disease, but it didn’t help me cure it.

That’s because there is no cure…

They have yet to really find out what causes bingeing and how to cure it, so until then, the only option that I have is Overeater’s Anonymous. I have found some semblance of recovery with them and I cling to them and the precepts for dear life, because my life truly DOES depend on them.

Also, because of all my research I did trying to cure myself, I can hear about the eating plans of others without losing my temper or self-confidence. What works for others may or may not work for me. It doesn’t bother me if someone has a different plan than mine because I realize that this disease attacks our brains differently. Each of us abused different foods, so each of us have to have different food plans to recover.

Robert Frost is RIGHT! Education DOES help me from losing my temper or losing my self-confidence, but it never helped cure my disease.


Overeater’s Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog. I speak only of my personal experience and not for OA as a whole.

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