4/24/2015

The Cake Is A Lie

By Laura Moncur @ 8:21 am — Filed under:

I was looking through my saved images in a folder called “Starling Fitness Ideas,” and I found this one:

The Cake Is A Lie Diet from Starling Fitness

It reads:

The Cake Is A Lie Diet: Lose 17 pounds a week by changing your diet with this one simple tip!

Awarded for: “Watch an inspirational video on YouTube or TED.”

I have a vague memory of an app that I played with that gave me awards and kudos for doing good things in my life, but I cannot for the life of me remember where this came from or even why I saved it.

“The Cake Is A Lie” is a meme that came from the game Portal. In that game, the computer voice kept promising me that if I completed the tasks, that there would be cake at the end. About halfway through the game, you come to this creepy hallway and the phrase, “The cake is a lie,” is scrawled over and over on the wall.

The Cake is a Lie image via Project Reroll

At the end of the game, you realize that there is no cake and you have been doing all these things for nothing. The phrase “The Cake Is A Lie” has come to mean that a promised gift is being used to motivate you without any intent of delivering it. For a while there, I couldn’t log onto Facebook without seeing this image it was so popular.

The Cake is a Lie Meme from Starling Fitness

The truth of the matter is, the cake IS a lie. Every time I eat cake, I am trying to recreate that intense feeling of ecstasy that I had the first time I ever ate cake. I am trying to get that same hit of dopamine that I got when I first had cake. The problem is that the more cake I eat, the less of a dopamine hit I get until I need to eat cake all day long EVERY day to just feel normal. The promise of the cake is a lie.

Then again, the promise of the “fit” life is a lie, too. I remember being at 150 pounds and being so close to goal and STILL feeling miserable. I had told myself that when I got skinny, I would be happy. I had told myself that when I lost the weight, I would love myself. That was a lie just as much as the cake was.

Eating the cake was a lie. Not eating the cake was a lie.

THAT is the sense of hopelessness I had when I stepped into my first Overeater’s Anonymous meeting. I hated myself when I was fat. I hated myself when I was thin. I couldn’t stop eating and I didn’t want to eat anymore. I was in a No-Win situation and I had no idea what to do. That’s why I got a sponsor. That’s why I did EVERYTHING she told me to do. That’s why I cleared the wreckage of my past and started fresh. That’s why I was willing to meditate every day and make a “God Box.”

I knew the cake was a lie and I knew that I couldn’t stop eating it.


Overeater’s Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog. I speak only of my personal experience and not for OA as a whole.

4/18/2015

My Eating Disorder Loves To Fantasize About Exercising

By Laura Moncur @ 10:01 am — Filed under:

The other day, I wrote this entry about old exercise machines:

The whole point of the entry is that exercise equipment hasn’t changed much in the last fifty years. For the last fifty years, our population has only been getting FATTER, so don’t bother buying any of those exercise machines that are available today because they won’t help you.

After I wrote that entry, I promptly spent the next hour researching stretchy fitness bands on Amazon and YouTube. I found the best resistance band exercises video. It’s short, simple and shows you the proper form for ten exercises.

I found an awesome printable poster for exercises for resistance bands from FitnessHealth.co.uk that you can just fold up and put in your traveling case.

Printable Resistance Band Exercises from Starling Fitness

BalanceFrom Heavy Duty Premium Resistance Band Kit with Improved Safe Door Anchor, Ankle Strap and Carrying Case at Amazon.comI had JUST written an article about how simple exercises like yoga and walking have helped me way more than intense exercises like weight training and running. I had just written an article about not letting the health and fitness industry steal your money and here I was SERIOUSLY considering dropping the thirty bucks to get this resistance band set: BalanceFrom Heavy Duty Premium Resistance Band Kit with Improved Safe Door Anchor, Ankle Strap and Carrying Case at Amazon.com. Despite the fact that I ALREADY own a resistance band set!

I realize now that my disease took over a little bit at that point.

The sad truth of the matter is: my eating disorder loves to fantasize about exercising. Ever since the age of ten, I was told that if I just exercised that I wouldn’t be fat anymore. If I wasn’t so lazy, I wouldn’t be fat.

It was a lie I believed. It’s a lie that I still catch myself believing, even though I know what has helped me and what has hindered me.

After YEARS of research on my own body, here is what I KNOW for a fact:

  • Weight training makes me binge
  • Running makes me binge
  • Skipping meals makes me binge
  • Stuffing down my feelings, instead of dealing with them in a healthy manner, makes me binge.

Yet, I’m still tempted to weight train, run, skip meals to “save calories for later,” and just ignore my feelings. I keep catching myself thinking:

  • This time, I won’t train so hard
  • This time, I will only run a little bit
  • This time I will be able to keep my food under control
  • This time my feelings aren’t that big of a deal

“This time” isn’t going to be like “last time.” That is probably the biggest lie I say to myself: “This time, I’ll be able to do it.” Just like the alcoholic who tells himself that this time he will just have one drink.

My eating disorder loves to fantasize about exercise just as much as an alcoholic loves to fantasize about being able to drink moderately. It’s a fantasy that I need to discard and accept the fact that exercise will not make me thin. It will just make me binge.

4/17/2015

PostSecret: Take Off The Ring

By Laura Moncur @ 8:00 am — Filed under:

This postcard from PostSecret was interesting.

PostSecret: Take Off The Ring from Starling Fitness

It reads:

I take off the ring that you gave me when I grow up. I’m not sure if it’s because I don’t want to ruin it or because I know how disappointed you’d be.

I was never able to throw up to rid myself of my binges. I wished that I could, but I could never really do it. It’s just a different way my disease could have harmed me that never came to pass and I’m grateful.

The reason why we binge is because there is something wrong with our brains. The reason why we purge is because there is something wrong with our brains. Science hasn’t entirely figured it out yet, but there is hope. Get yourself to Overeater’s Anonymous and be entirely honest with yourself, your group and your sponsor. You don’t have to take off the ring anymore…


PostSecret‘s beneficiary is the National Hopeline Network. It is a 24-hour hotline (1 (800) SUICIDE) for anyone who is thinking about suicide or knows someone who is considering it.


Overeater’s Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog. I speak only of my personal experience and not for OA as a whole.

4/16/2015

Old Exercise Machines from the 1979 Argos Catalogue

By Laura Moncur @ 8:00 am — Filed under:

Retrospace had a post about Argos Catalogues from Great Britain which was pretty much just about looking at half-naked women, but one page really caught my eye. It was the page from the Health and Fitness section of the catalogue.

Argos 1979 Spring Catalogue Health and Fitness from Starling Fitness

There are some fairly typical things, like these weights and springs. The springs have been replaced by plastic stretchy cords in a variety of colors, but this equipment is still available today.

Argos 1979 Spring Catalogue Weights and Springs from Starling Fitness

Even these body weight machines are still available today. Companies have slapped the word “Pilates” on the label, but other than that, they’re still the same. I talked about that here:

Argos 1979 Spring Catalogue Body Weight Machine from Starling Fitness

Even the stationary bicycles are still around. They look different, but they are still something that is recommended for losing weight.

Argos 1979 Spring Catalogue Exercise Machines from Starling Fitness

The thing that bothers me is that we have been doing this for over fifty YEARS and we are just getting fatter. Don’t waste your money on the new versions of these products, they are just as silly as the old ones. Exercise can make you stronger. Exercise will help your heart, but I have never lost weight from exercising. In fact, it just made me hungrier. Don’t let them steal your money. Take a walk outside for twenty minutes a day and save yourself money and grief.

4/14/2015

PostSecret: Pray To Get Anorexia

By Laura Moncur @ 8:09 am — Filed under:

This postcard from PostSecret was posted a couple of weeks ago and it reminded me of my past.

PostSecret: Pray To Get Anorexia from Starling Fitness

It reads:

I pray to get anorexia.

I, too, wished I could “catch” anorexia nervosa. I remember in my final meltdown, when I talked to Mike about my bingeing.

“I’m hungry all the time. I think about food all the time.” I was lamenting to Mike, my husband, about why it’s so hard for me to follow my program for more than an hour or so.

“That’s because there is something the matter with your brain. For whatever reason, it tells you that you’re hungry all the time.” He was trying to help me, but his words were anything but consoling. “You’re like an anorexic, except backwards.”

How many times had I wished I could be anorexic? How many times had I wished I could be free of this desire to eat all the time?

Mike continued talking, “What would you do if you WERE anorexic?” I cried and laughed at the same time. “I’d be so damn happy and not eat for a year. I’d finally be skinny.”

He nodded and asked, “And then after you were skinny, what would you do? If you didn’t eat, you’d die, so what would you do?”

I knew EXACTLY what the treatment for anorexics was: refeeding. Food is introduced in small quantities at regular intervals. They have to eat when the timer goes off, even though it’s the last thing they want to do. I explained it to Mike and he nodded knowingly, “That’s EXACTLY what you need to do. You have the SAME problem as an anorexic. You need to eat a small meal every couple of hours whether you feel hungry or not. You need to NOT eat in between times. Your hunger mechanism is just as broken. You can’t trust it. You just need to set a schedule and eat when the schedule tells you to.”

That is EXACTLY what I have been doing for the last year and a half and I have LOST 65 pounds. By FORCING myself to eat about 200-300 calories 5-6 times a day (every two and a half hours), I have LOST weight. I eat those tiny meals whether I feel hungry or not. My hunger is just as broken as an anorexic and I can’t trust it.

I find it so ironic that I wished for so many times to be anorexic and the cure that they use for anorexics happened to be the cure I needed for my obesity and bingeing.


PostSecret‘s beneficiary is the National Hopeline Network. It is a 24-hour hotline (1 (800) SUICIDE) for anyone who is thinking about suicide or knows someone who is considering it.

3/26/2015

Self-Destructive Behaviors

By Laura Moncur @ 2:20 pm — Filed under:

This postcard from PostSecret showed up during Eating Disorders Week.

Self Destructive Behaviors from PostSecret

It reads:

The worst thing about self-destructive behaviors is when no one notices.

Sometimes our eating behaviors can hide. I wasn’t able to hide mine, although I ate upwards of 5000 calories a day during my worst, so perhaps my exercise was hiding some of my eating problems. There are many people who suffer who don’t LOOK like they have a problem and it doesn’t help that our society prefers to look at people who are scarily thin.

If you have a problem with eating, get help. Just because your family and friends and maybe even your doctor hasn’t noticed, doesn’t mean that you aren’t in trouble. Get into Overeater’s Anonymous. We will welcome you with open arms because we understand.


PostSecret‘s beneficiary is the National Hopeline Network. It is a 24-hour hotline (1 (800) SUICIDE) for anyone who is thinking about suicide or knows someone who is considering it.


Overeater’s Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog. I speak only of my personal experience and not for OA as a whole.

3/13/2015

PostSecret: I Thought I Was Fat

By Laura Moncur @ 7:42 am — Filed under:

This postcard from PostSecret broke my heart.

PostSecret: I never gave anyone these because I thought I was fat from Starling Fitness

It reads:

I never gave anyone these because I thought I was fat.

When I saw these photos, I imagined the person who didn’t get them. There was SOMEONE in love with this girl. I don’t know who that person was, but they did not get the photo. That person wished that she would give them a photo. That person cried when the photos came out and didn’t get one because they believed that someone else got all the pictures instead of them hiding in a box somewhere.

If you think you’re fat, STOP DOING THIS! If you KNOW you’re fat, STOP DOING THIS! There is someone out there RIGHT NOW, who loves you. That person WANTS a photo of you in all your “fatness.” Whether your fatness is real or imagined, don’t let it stop you from getting the love you deserve. There is someone out there who wants to love you. Don’t disappoint them. Don’t push them away. Give them the photos.


PostSecret‘s beneficiary is the National Hopeline Network. It is a 24-hour hotline (1 (800) SUICIDE) for anyone who is thinking about suicide or knows someone who is considering it.

2/6/2015

Butter in Coffee: You DO Know What Butter Is Made Of, Right?

By Laura Moncur @ 8:00 am — Filed under:

My Facebook page is filled with posts from my friends talking about putting butter into your coffee. Here is a link to an article that is an example:

The latest trend in coffee may boost your energy and help you lose weight. Or maybe you’ll just throw up.

Go ahead, put some butter in your joe.

Well, not just any butter, and not just any coffee.  The butter has to be unsalted and grass-fed, and the coffee beans have to be low-toxin – not the ones you find at the supermarket or Starbucks.

This trend is supposed to give you a little extra fat in your diet, which is really what many of us DO need to inch out the carbs in our diet. The problem is, butter? Why butter?

For hundreds of years, we have been doing this. We have been putting “butter” in our coffee. It’s called CREAM. You DO know what butter is made of, right?

Butter in Coffee - You DO Know What Butter Is Made Of, Right - Starling Fitness

You wan’t a “creamy” latte? How about this radical idea? PUT CREAM IN YOUR COFFEE!

Bulletproof Coffee is just a food trend. It’s not a magic thing that will help you lose weight. It’s a fad. If you need a bit of fat added to your diet, add some cream to your coffee. Steer clear of the fad.

1/5/2015

PostSecret: I Blame All My Problems on My Weight

By Laura Moncur @ 9:40 am — Filed under:

This postcard from PostSecret could have been my own, so it’s comforting to know that there is another person out there who feels the same as I did.

PostSecret- I blame all my problems on my weight

It reads:

I blame all my problems on my weight…

This was one of the biggest stumbling blocks to getting healthy for me. Just like the person who sent in this card, I thought that my life would be perfect once I got thin.

And then I got thin, or nearly thin…

And my life still sucked. I was starving myself (and bingeing as well), and I was still miserable, even though I was so close to my goal weight. It felt so pointless to put forth all this effort if being thin didn’t solve the problem.

Ironically, when I solved my emotional and spiritual problems, eating healthy and exercising moderately became SO much easier. Now, I feel great AND I’m not starving myself. That’s why the twelve steps are so helpful because they solve those problems that make you miserable so that you don’t NEED to eat to forget them.

If you are feeling horrible and blaming everything on your weight, get yourself to Overeater’s Anonymous and work through the steps diligently with a sponsor. Be entirely honest and you won’t have as many problems to blame on your weight anymore.


PostSecret‘s beneficiary is the National Hopeline Network. It is a 24-hour hotline (1 (800) SUICIDE) for anyone who is thinking about suicide or knows someone who is considering it.


Overeater’s Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog. I speak only of my personal experience and not for OA as a whole.

12/31/2014

One Small Difference After Another

By Laura Moncur @ 9:44 am — Filed under:

This quote reminds me that big resolutions don’t really help me.

I have never been especially impressed by the heroics of people who are convinced they are about to change the world. I am more awed by those who struggle to make one small difference after another. Ellen Goodman from The Quotations Page

It reads:

I have never been especially impressed by the heroics of people who are convinced they are about to change the world. I am more awed by those who struggle to make one small difference after another.

  • Ellen Goodman

This is VERY applicable to me at this New Year’s Resolution time. I used to set New Year’s Resolutions and decide on life-changing diets and exercise regimes at this time of year. Over the last year, I have learned that the only New Year’s Resolution that has ever helped me was resolving to get my butt to an Overeater’s Anonymous meeting. All the other ones just sent me on the pathway to a binge.

I’ve learned that my eating disorder has TWO facets: bingeing and over-exercising. I would set up a restrictive diet and a strict exercise plan and then I would binge after a couple of weeks of restriction. I used to think that the restriction part of the cycle was the cure to my bingeing, but I was wrong. It was part of my disease.

This New Year’s Resolution is just ONE thing: I devote myself to the greater good. Whatever that entails, I will follow it. Eating healthy and exercising moderately is part of the greater good. Helping other people is part of the greater good. Being a better person emotionally is part of the greater good. THAT will be my question to everything I think of: Is this part of the greater good? Am I helping myself and others with this action? If not, I won’t do it. If so, I’ll do it to the best of my ability, asking for help when I fall short.

Let your only New Year’s Resolution this year be a dedication to the greater good. You will be shocked at the outcome compared to former years.


Overeater’s Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog. I speak only of my personal experience and not for OA as a whole.

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