11/13/2014

Nothing Is Easy to the Unwilling

By Laura Moncur @ 8:00 am — Filed under:

I found a quote yesterday that explained the last decade of suffering to me quite nicely.

Nothing is easy to the unwilling. Nikki Giovanni from The Quotations Page

It reads:

Nothing is easy to the unwilling.

  • Nikki Giovanni

I thought I was willing. I wrote down EVERY bite of food that went into my mouth, all 7000 calories each day. I went to Weight Watchers EVERY week, vowing to follow the program this time. Even during earlier times, I faithfully ate everything they told me, right down to the whole grain wheat that ripped and tore at my intestines until they bled. I thought I was willing, but I wasn’t.

I wasn’t willing to do what I needed to do.

I needed to be humble. I needed to believe that I didn’t know everything. I needed to just walk my fat butt into the doors of Overeaters Anonymous, even though I “knew” that the god stuff wouldn’t work for me.

Last January, I became willing. So entirely willing that I pretty much did whatever my sponsor told me to do within hours of her telling me. I went through the steps so quickly that it was surprising, but that’s because I didn’t piddle around. I didn’t waste any time. I was so damn willing that I DID it.

If you are unwilling, you are like that huge rock in the picture. There won’t be anything that can move you. You might think that you are doing what you need to do to get healthy, but just like all my “willingness” in Weight Watchers, it won’t help you a bit. You need to do what WORKS. And for me, Overeaters Anonymous worked.


Overeaters Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog.

11/10/2014

There Is Help for Relapse

By Laura Moncur @ 10:11 am — Filed under:

This postcard from PostSecret made me so sad for the person who sent it in.

Relapse from Starling Fitness

It reads:

I can’t bear to tell my family I relapsed so instead I quietly suffer… alone.

I wouldn’t have thought this was about an eating disorder until I saw the “food+body wisdom” circle pasted in the middle. After a little research, I found that it is for Opal, which is a clinic in Seattle, Washington for those with disordered eating.

The person who wrote the postcard is not only aching from the relapse and all the pain in which that encompasses, but from the exorbitant cost her family paid to put her through Opal in the first place. They might accept your health insurance, but they are VERY clear that they are a paid facility with the comment, “Prior to receiving services, every effort will be made to verify insurance eligibility and benefits and educate clients about possible financial obligations. We accept check and credit card for any out of pocket financial obligations.

There is a way to get help without admitting yourself to a facility that is going to bankrupt your family. Get yourself to Overeaters Anonymous. Find a meeting here:

You might not be able to be honest with your family, but you are sure to feel more at home with a room full of people who have the same problem as you do. Binge Eaters, Bulimics, and Anorexics are all welcome there. Your only requirement is that you want to stop being sick about food. You don’t have to burden your family with “financial obligations.” You can get help with us.


Overeaters Anonymous does not endorse anything on this entry or blog.


PostSecret‘s beneficiary is the National Hopeline Network. It is a 24-hour hotline (1 (800) SUICIDE) for anyone who is thinking about suicide or knows someone who is considering it.

11/6/2014

It Takes 21 Days – LIARS!

By Laura Moncur @ 2:50 pm — Filed under:

I saw this image on Pinterest today and it kind of pissed me off…

It Takes 21 Days - LIARS from Starling Fitness

It reads:

It takes 21 days. 21 days of healthy eating and working out and it will become a habit.

All I could think when I saw this was:

LIARS!!

I have been eating healthy and moderately working out every day for almost a year and it’s STILL not a habit. If I don’t diligently write down the phrase, “Walk dog 20 minutes” on my to-do list every day, I will blow off my workout. The only thing that’s even close to a habit is writing that phrase on my to-do list.

If I didn’t have my Fitbit vibrating my wrist every two and a half hours, I would FORGET TO EAT. That sounds like a great problem to have until an hour and a half later when I am bingeing on whatever food is nearby. It’s vitally important that I don’t skip those meals, but I definitely would if I didn’t have my Fitbit warning me. The closest thing to a habit I have about eating is to make sure I wear and charge my Fitbit.

I have an eating disorder. Sadly, I will ALWAYS have an eating disorder. Twenty-one days won’t cure it. A lifetime won’t cure it. I will have to watch myself carefully for the rest of my life and a little yellow image telling me that I can create new habits in a mere twenty-one days just sets me up for failure.

Don’t believe the hype. It might be easier for you after twenty-one days, but you won’t have any magic habits to make your life better. You can’t depend on that. If you do, it will only set you up for failure.

11/4/2014

A Bright Future for Man

By Laura Moncur @ 10:59 am — Filed under:

This quote reminded me of how I used to think.

I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority. E. B. White from The Quotations Page

It reads:

I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority.

  • E. B. White

I grew up watching The Jetsons and Disney’s cartoons about the House of the Future. I was told that I would have “Better Living Through Science.”

And I do.

I sincerely do have a better life because of a myriad of scientific discoveries and technological breakthroughs. But some of the promises turned out to be harmful instead of helpful.

For example, take that miraculous Monsanto Wheat that can grow in the winter. It has saved thousands from starvation, but I truly believe that it is part of the reason I was so sick for so long. Maybe the pre-GMO wheat would have made me just as sick, but now I cannot even eat that without pain.

Or perhaps, that idea that we’ll be able to eat all our meals in a single pill. That IS true. We could eat three or four protein bars a day and have almost all the nutrients we would need to stay alive. But eating to stay alive isn’t what I have ever needed to do. I was eating to feed something else.

I have found that when I “taste the sweetness and respect the seniority of Nature,” I enjoy life more and FEEL better. I used to eagerly await the day when machines would spit out the exact calories and nutrients I needed for my own personal system. Now, I just grab an apple and some almonds.

10/29/2014

How I Feel About Soda Tax

By Laura Moncur @ 8:00 am — Filed under:

I saw this video yesterday and it kind of riled me up.

I don’t think soda should be taxed. I also don’t think cigarettes should be taxed. It’s hard to stop drinking sugary drinks. It’s hard to quit smoking. But I don’t want the government sticking its nose in my business. I KNOW huge corporations are trying to sell me sugar water. It’s kind of OBVIOUS. There are commercials for it EVERYWHERE!!

That doesn’t mean that I want the government to step in and tax it.

What I want is to be able to choose on my own. I CHOOSE every day not to drink sugary drinks. I VOTE every day with my pocketbook. I don’t like the idea that the government thinks it needs to make food decisions for me because the minute anyone makes a food off-limits, all I can do is think about the food that I can no longer eat. If the government were to ban broccoli, I would suddenly want to eat a lot of broccoli.

So, how do I feel about big corporations trying to stop a soda tax? Man, I hate to say it, but this time, I’m on the side of the corporations.

Via: robertreich: Berkeley vs. Big Soda I got a call… – Hank’s Tumblr

10/27/2014

Food Avoidance

By Laura Moncur @ 9:07 am — Filed under:

Food is everywhere.

Food Is Everywhere from Starling Fitness

All over my FaceBook and Pinterest boards. I can’t seem to avoid it. But that is EXACTLY what I need to do. I saw this quote today and it really reminded just how great Jennifer Hudson is:

Avoidance is a great tool to get away from food in my face all day long.

  • Jennifer Hudson, I Got This: How I Changed My Ways and Lost What Weighed Me Down, 2012

When I read that book, she really inspired me and I feel like I need to go back and read it again. YES! I CAN avoid food. I can scroll past those posts on Facebook. I can unfollow any boards devoted to food that my friends create. I can excise the food porn out of my life and keep my mind on the important things.

Image via: Food | Deccan Chronicle

10/15/2014

I Am No One Else’s Higher Power

By Laura Moncur @ 8:00 am — Filed under:

This quote brought up a truth to my mind that I continually have to remind myself.

Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself. Elie Wiesel from The Quotations Page

It reads:

Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself.

  • Elie Wiesel

One of my biggest character defects is a Controlling nature. I want to fix everything. I want to help everyone. If they would all just listen to me and do what I say, they would have an easier life.

The problem with this defect is that it pisses everyone off. No one wants to be lectured to. No one wants to be told what they are doing wrong. It just drives a wedge between me and anyone who I want to “help.” I don’t end up helping anyone, just making them hate me.

I am no one else’s Higher Power.

I think I repeat that phrase to myself several times every day. For example, when I see someone smoking too close to the door, I feel tempted to tell them that they should move. Smoking that close to the door is against the rules. It could mean that the building owner is fined. It’s kind of irritating to have to walk through a cloud of smoke on the way into the building. All of these thoughts go through my head and then I need to remind myself.

I am no one else’s Higher Power.

I’m not the smoker’s Higher Power. It’s not my job to tell her the rules. I’m not the building owners’ Higher Power. It’s not my job to rescue them from fines. I am not the Higher Power of any of the people walking through the cloud of smoke on the way into the building. It’s not my job to protect them. I’m not even my OWN Higher Power.

Suddenly, the urge to castigate the smoker is alleviated. I don’t need to tell her to stop smoking so close to the door and have that weird conversation. I don’t need to stew about her if she doesn’t stop smoking so close to the door. I don’t need to complain to the building owner about the smokers. I don’t need to waste any of that energy on them because I’m not in charge. I don’t have to “fix” it. I don’t need to “help” those poor people who are entering and exiting through air pollution.

The MOST important part of all of this is that my urge to “help” or “fix” that problem could have sent me into a binge. After an antagonistic conversation with the smoker, I might have been so upset that I all I could think about when I walked into the building was finding some food to binge on. Instead of that unpleasantness, I can walk through the cloud of smoke and be happy. I can be content. I can be joyful in the knowledge that I dodged a bullet called “Controlling Nature.”

I run into tiny incidents like that SEVERAL times a day. Before I learned that Controlling Nature was a problem for me, I had SEVERAL incidents a day that sent me wanting to eat more than I should. It’s no wonder that the compulsion to overeat has been lifted. It’s because I’m not trying to rule the world anymore.

Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.

  • William Shakespeare, “King Henry IV Part II”, Act 2 scene 1

I had to take off that stupid crown. It wasn’t mine anyway…

10/11/2014

Donut Nite: When Social And Food Are Synonymous

By Laura Moncur @ 8:00 am — Filed under:

My neighbor is hosting Donut Nite. She’s really excited about it and handed out little flyers to everyone on the street. She has always been really nice to me and I’d really like to get to know her better.

But I do NOT want to go…

Donut Nite - When Social and Food are Synonymous from Starling FitnessThe flyer is stuck on my fridge with a ladybug magnet and I know that going to the party is good for me, but I just DON’T want to go.

Part of the reason I don’t want to go is because of the food: donuts and ice cream. Two foods that are guaranteed to give me gastrointestinal distress. I don’t want to eat them. I don’t want to go to a party devoted to them. I don’t want to explain why I don’t want to eat them. I want nothing to do with this.

But I really like her. I want to get to know her better. She seems REALLY nice and she lives just down the street. I have the time to go to the party. It doesn’t conflict with any familial or work obligations. I just don’t want to go to the party because it’s a party DEDICATED to food that HURTS me.

This is one of those striking intersections of our lives when social and food mean the same thing. It’s not Game Nite. It’s not Movie Nite. It’s Donut Nite. I don’t want to go to Donut Nite, no matter how enticing the people are. If I go, I will be forcing myself because I REALLY want to get to know the people in our new neighborhood. The social will win out and I’ll have to have those awkward conversations about how gluten and lactose affect my intestinal health. Or, I’ll have to play all those anorexic tricks and pretend to eat the food I’m not going to eat, hoping no one notices that I’m not actually putting the food in my mouth. I’m just breaking it up into little pieces or stirring it with my spoon until it melts into oblivion.

And ALL of this forgets about the fact that I used to REALLY LOVE donuts and ice cream. Before I realized they were causing me pain, and even AFTER I realized they were causing me pain, I used to love donuts and ice cream. Sometimes they are still a temptation to me. This week, that’s not the case, but if it was, then the decision about whether to go to the party would be even MORE loaded.

Why?!

Why does it have to be this way? Am I making this too hard? Am I thinking too much about myself when I should be thinking about my nice neighbor, who goes to all this trouble every year? She didn’t even ask me for an RSVP. As a hostess of a very popular yearly event, I know that she won’t even care if I show up or not, but I CARE! I want to get to know her. I want to get to know everyone else in the neighborhood. When Social and Food intersect like this, I feel very pressured by my own desires and social norms.

All I know is that I don’t want no donuts…

Here’s the rub. I am scared of being judged because I don’t want to eat the donuts. The REASON I’m scared is because I’m the kind of person who HATES people who won’t eat things because of allergies or dietary restrictions. So many of them seem like they are almost BRAGGING about their inability to eat whatever it is that the rest of us are eating. I don’t want to be that person. That person is a dick.

Wil Wheaton Says - Don't Be A DickOnly a dick shows up to a Donut Party and complains about donuts.

I don’t want to be a dick. I don’t want to eat the donuts. I don’t want to play anorexia games with the food, hoping no one notices.

I DO want to meet the people.

So, here’s the plan. I’m going to the party. I’m not going to eat the donuts. I’m not going to play anorexic games with the donuts. If anyone asks why I’m not eating, I’m going to say that I’m here for the people, not the food. And if anyone is rude or pushes food on me more than two or three times, I’m politely leaving.

10/9/2014

Halloween Temptations

By Laura Moncur @ 10:55 am — Filed under:

I did a Google image search for the phrase, “Halloween Temptations,” and this a snapshot of what I got:

Halloween Temptations from Starling Fitness

I really don’t know how I feel about this. The sexy girl costumes outnumber the candy images about three to one.

What does that mean?

Honestly, I think they are both related. We are tempted by Halloween candy, but we are also tempted by that idea that we could be the sexiest girl in the room. BOTH of those ideas are a problem. The first is misusing food as a recreational device and the second is feeding pride instead of humility.

There is nothing wrong with sexy Halloween costumes. It’s the feeling of wanting to be the cutest girl in the room that sets up a judgment that is unfair both to us and everyone else in the room.

For me, the Halloween candy and black spider cupcakes are a far less temptation than that desire to be the girl that everyone notices. Wanting to be the best has hurt me so many times that I have learned that it’s an indication that there is a problem in my life. Wanting to be the girl in the black cat costume is DANGEROUS. Ironically, it will MAKE me eat.

The next time you have the temptation to be better than the people around you, take a moment and remember that we are all the SAME. No one is higher or lower than you. We are all on equal footing and every time we try to prove that isn’t true, we are treading on dangerous ground.

10/7/2014

Hoping for a Taco Truck

By Laura Moncur @ 1:52 pm — Filed under:

I saw this screenshot from the video game, Animal Crossing on redribbonpresents and it made me laugh out loud.

Hoping for a Taco Truck from Starling Fitness

It reads:

I think I’ll just sit down and hope that a taco truck drives up and serves me delicious tacos.

That’s not a really good food plan, Ankha.

Then again, how many times have I done the EXACT same thing. I refuse to plan my meals because I want the “freedom” to eat what I feel like. That’s EXACTLY like sitting down and hoping for a taco truck to come along. If I want to eat what I feel like eating, I have to PLAN it! Why did it take a screenshot from a child’s video game to remind me of that?!

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