4/8/2014

PostSecret: Soap on the Cake

By Laura Moncur @ 12:50 pm — Filed under:

This postcard from PostSecret reminded me of how I stayed in my addiction to food for so long.

PostSecret - Soap On The Cake from Starling Fitness

It reads:

I had to put soap on this so I wouldn’t eat it out of the garbage. It wasn’t even that good.

I knew that putting soap on food was a sign of disordered eating. I remember throwing away cake and thinking, “See, I’m not that bad. I can throw away cake and not have to soap on it like those poor people who are binge eaters.”

It was a way that I tricked myself. I wasn’t a binge eater because I could throw away food without getting it out of the garbage. Of course, nothing was stopping me from going to the store and buying another cake, some Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and a bag of Munchos. And I did…

The worst part of that postcard is the last sentence:

It wasn’t even that good.

THAT is the wretched betrayal of this disease. The longer we live in it, the less dopamine charge we get from bingeing, so foods that used to taste divine don’t taste as good as they used to. They start to taste bland and we are ever-searching for a better dessert or salty snack.

I can’t believe how many lies I told myself about my binges. Just a few months ago, I would have smugly nodded at this postcard, not realizing that disordered eating comes in many shapes and sizes. Just because I refuse to eat out of the garbage can doesn’t mean that I’m not a binge eater.

The telling aspect of this disease is that last sentence. Wanting to binge and when I did, it didn’t even taste that good, is THE definition of the biological problems that occur with binge eating. If you are noticing this trend in your eating, get some help, because this problem only gets worse the longer you have it.


PostSecret‘s beneficiary is the National Hopeline Network. It is a 24-hour hotline (1 (800) SUICIDE) for anyone who is thinking about suicide or knows someone who is considering it.

3/30/2014

PostSecret: Obsessive Cravings

By Laura Moncur @ 12:52 pm — Filed under:

This postcard from PostSecret reminded me of how I white-knuckled my way down to 150 pounds.

PostSecret: Obsessive Cravings from Starling Fitness

It reads:

My diet makes me obsess about food to the point where I google image search my cravings in an attempt to stave them off…

Just a note to this person and anyone else in this situation: IT DOESN’T WORK. I have done many crazy things to keep myself from eating food, which just fed my obsession.

Once I realized that I had no control over food, I saw how silly all these activities were and how they actually made my food obsession worse. I also felt a huge wave of grief and self-pity because I felt completely and utterly doomed. I was fully aware that there was nothing I could do to control the biological urge to overeat. My hunger response was so broken and I felt as if I could never get past this.

And then I found this awesome other part of my brain. It had been there all along, but I never had been able to access it before. Now, I let it control all my eating and it does a better job than I have ever been able to do on my own.

If you are feeling hopeless over your eating behaviors, there is a way out. Get yourself into an OA meeting. Get a sponsor, do what your sponsor tells you to do, and learn to access that powerful part of your brain that can handle your hunger more than you could ever do it.


PostSecret‘s beneficiary is the National Hopeline Network. It is a 24-hour hotline (1 (800) SUICIDE) for anyone who is thinking about suicide or knows someone who is considering it.

3/19/2014

PostSecret: Throw It Up

By Laura Moncur @ 5:00 am — Filed under:

This postcard from PostSecret reminded me of my worst of days suffering with my compulsive eating.

Throw It Up from Starling Fitness

It reads:

I only eat fast food if I’m near a place to throw it up.

I never was bulimic. I could never make myself throw up my huge binges. For some reason, that made me think that I wasn’t THAT bad. “Sure, I ate over 4000 calories in one sitting, but at least I didn’t throw it up,” I would think to myself. I knew I had a problem because eating that much food made me feel sick, yet I felt like I couldn’t stop.

But at least I wasn’t barfing. I wasn’t ruining my teeth. I wasn’t THAT sick.

I now know that my compulsive eating was just as dangerous and harmful as bulimia. Bingeing and purging is bad. Bingeing all by itself is just as bad. BOTH of them hurt the victims of these diseases.

And don’t fool yourself. It IS a disease. It is just as damaging as a disease. It leaves its victims just as powerless over it. It is a physiologic response to food that makes you need more and more. I’ve talked about this before here:

Watch this video if you don’t believe that compulsive overeating is not a disease:

This is the most important quote:

No one can exert willpower over a biochemical drive that goes on every minute of every day of every year.

If you are telling yourself that you’re not THAT sick because at least you don’t make yourself barf after your binges, you are WRONG. Get some help. For me, I found help at Overeater’s Anonymous, but there are mental health professionals who might also be able to nurture you back to health. The most important thing is realizing that you have a problem and getting some help for it.


PostSecret‘s beneficiary is the National Hopeline Network. It is a 24-hour hotline (1 (800) SUICIDE) for anyone who is thinking about suicide or knows someone who is considering it.

3/8/2014

Keurig Coffee Pods: Sendin’ U Packin’

By Laura Moncur @ 5:00 am — Filed under:

I’ve had a never ending problem with caffeine that I’ve talked about for over ten years:

I have limited my caffeine intake to a single Coke Zero every day. I’ve always said that coffee is the cheapest way to get a caffeine dose, but a cup of coffee is not consistent. What I get from a pot of coffee at a convenience store is different from my automatic drip coffee maker at home, which is also different than what I would get from the local barista.

Keurig K75 Platinum Brewing System at Amazon.comKnow what IS consistent? Keurig coffee makers.

I get the same amount of caffeine every time from that machine, if it will keep working. We LITERALLY have returned three machines because they keep on breaking.

Now, I learn that Keurig is trying to prevent people from using coffee pods from other companies in their machines.

“Green Mountain has announced a new anticompetitive plan to maintain its monopoly by redesigning its brewers to lock out competitors’ products. Such lock-out technology cannot be justified based on any purported consumer benefit, and Green Mountain itself has admitted that the lock-out technology is not essential for the new brewers’ function. Like its exclusionary agreements, this lock-out technology is intended to serve anticompetitive and unlawful ends.”

So, when my current machine breaks, (and it WILL very soon, I guarantee it because they all do) the new machine will only work with pods that pay for the extra DRM or that come from Keurig. It’s kind of a crappy thing to do to your customers, so I’m sending the Keurig machine to the thrift store.

As Wil Wheaton says: “Friends don’t let friends use pod coffee makers.”

3/4/2014

Azodicarbonamide: Dough Conditioner, Flour Bleacher and Foam Plastics Blowing Agent

By Laura Moncur @ 5:00 am — Filed under:

Why are food companies putting non-food in their foods? It’s a simple question and one that has the customers of Subway up in arms.

Subway has agreed to stop using this particular chemical in their bread, but that doesn’t mean much. This is a common chemical used to “condition dough” or “bleach flour.” Unfortunately, it’s also used as a “plastics blowing agent.”

The principal use of azodicarbonamide is in the production of foamed plastics as a blowing agent. The thermal decomposition of azodicarbonamide results in the evolution of nitrogen, carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide, and ammonia gases, which are trapped in the polymer as bubbles to form a foamed article.

Azodicarbonamide Molecular Structure from Starling Fitness

A long time ago, my dad told me that they put plastic in bread to make it light and fluffy. I dismissed it as another one of his paranoid rants, especially since he kept eating bread. Now, as I am looking at the ingredients for the bread sitting on our kitchen counter, I see “dough conditioner.”

Dough Conditioner from Starling Fitness

According to Wikipedia, the USDA has deemed Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate as safe:

But then again, the USDA thinks Azodicarbonamide is safe as well.

SSL is currently manufactured by the esterification of stearic acid with lactic acid and partially neutralized with either food-grade soda ash (sodium carbonate) or caustic soda (concentrated sodium hydroxide). Commercial grade SSL is a mixture of sodium salts of stearoyl lactylic acids and minor proportions of other sodium salts of related acids.

I’m beginning to think that there is no food that hasn’t been tainted by big business and the hand of greed. I wasn’t eating bread because I thought the gluten was causing trouble, but considering all the other chemicals that have been used to bleach flour, perhaps it’s just the food industry that I’m allergic to.

Via:

Molecular Image via: File:Azodicarbonamide 3D ball.png – Wikimedia Commons

2/28/2014

Vysera-CLS: Not Worth It

By Laura Moncur @ 5:00 am — Filed under:

Vysera-CLS Not Worth It from Starling FitnessIn this month’s issue of Allure magazine, there was an advertisement for a product called Vysera-CLS. It looked like something that I should avoid, but I catch myself fascinated by these things.

I have been writing for Starling Fitness for so long that I KNOW that diet pills don’t work. There isn’t one product that I’ve tried that has worked. Half the time, I can just look at the ingredients and tell that it’s just the same thing, so why do I even care about this Vysera stuff? Isn’t just going to be the same old stuff?

Despite all that, I wanted to know. What are the ingredients?

According to Consumer Health Answers, here are the ingredients. Click on the image to see them full-sized:

Vysera-CLS Ingredients from Starling Fitness

Somehow, reading the ingredients made me not care about it anymore. It’s just that same combination of theobroma and chromium picolinate that diet pills have been using since the 90s. It’s especially not worth 99 bucks a month!

Vysera-CLS at Amazon.comThe reviews on the website were even more telling:

Have almost finished a month’s supply. Haven’t lost an ounce. Don’t waste your money or time. Don’t believe the hype. Suckerd again.

The most useless product ever. Complete waste of money!

I don’t know why I am still attracted to diet pill ads. You’d think after over ten years of research, I’d realize that there is NO pill that will do what I need to do. It’s not even about the food. It’s about the reasons I want to eat the food. No diet pill can give me the peace of mind that I need to keep from bingeing. I don’t know why I need to keep learning that lesson over and over.

2/26/2014

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week

By Laura Moncur @ 5:00 am — Filed under:

NEDA Week 2014 from Starling FitnessIt’s National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. I has been this week every year for the last ten years I have been writing this blog.

I have struggled with binge eating since I was about nine years old. I have been struggling with binge eating since I started this blog over ten years ago. You’d think that I’d be over it now. You’d think I’d have a handle on it.

I think eating disorders cause permanent changes to our brain chemistry. Just like a cucumber that has turned into a pickle, you can never go back to being a cucumber ever again. Oh, and the longer you sit stewing in the brine of eating disorders, the harder it is to escape.

Eating disorders feel like a disease to me. A disease that none of us can be blamed for. It’s a change in brain chemistry and there should be no shame, but I have felt an incredible amount of shame about it. In fact, this PostSecret card reminded me of so many promises that I have made to myself.

PostSecret - I will never binge again from Starling Fitness

I have abstained from binge-eating for the last couple of months and I feel a lot better, but the specter of it will haunt me for the rest of my life. The biggest, scariest part of this disease for me is that if my health insurance company would find out about it, my premiums would go through the roof and I wouldn’t be able to afford insurance. So, I have never gone in for professional treatment.

There ARE options out there from twelve-step programs like Overeater’s Anonymous, so if you are feeling lost, please turn to someone for help, whether it be professional or a group program.

Eating disorders are just suicide in slow motion.

PostSecret - Eating Disorders Are Suicide In Slow Motion from Starling Fitness

Don’t give up without a fight.


PostSecret‘s beneficiary is the National Hopeline Network. It is a 24-hour hotline (1 (800) SUICIDE) for anyone who is thinking about suicide or knows someone who is considering it.

2/13/2014

Artificial Images

By Laura Moncur @ 5:00 am — Filed under:

This music video by Boggie has been making the rounds of the health Tumblrs as an example of ways in which the images that we see are actually artificial creations.

While watching this video, I was struck with a strange sense of wonder. What if there was some way for us to be transformed, not just in an artificial image, but wholly? In fact, the ending shot showing the drastically different visions became an almost Before and After image.

BOGGIE - PARFUM Artificial Images by Starling Fitness

Are there photoshopped pictures in every magazine was look at? YES. Is there a way to transform ourselves into healthier and stronger people? YES AGAIN. There are artificial images all around us, but that doesn’t negate the fact that we can change ourselves.

Via: Fierce Owl Full of Love — wheres-margo: Singer uses her music video to…

2/12/2014

Victoria’s Secret Model Karolina Kurkova Looking PERFECT

By Laura Moncur @ 5:00 am — Filed under:

I saw this image of Victoria’s Secret model Karolina Kurkova on Funeral For My Fat and I’m ashamed to say that the first thing I noticed was the cellulite on her legs.

Victoria’s Secret model Karolina Kurkova from Starling Fitness

If a Victoria’s Secret model has cellulite, then it is NORMAL for women to have cellulite. The idea that we’re NOT supposed to have it was created by all those companies who are making anti-cellulite creams and drugs and rubs and wraps.

Don’t buy ANYTHING that promises to remove cellulite. It’s a NORMAL aspect of women’s bodies and does not need to be eradicated. It’s like saying that you have unsightly hair on your head. Love your little leg lumps and let’s hope that someday everyone will be able to look at that picture and realize that it’s Karolina Kurkova looking PERFECT!

2/9/2014

Maya Nava Tongue Surgery To Lose Weight

By Laura Moncur @ 5:00 am — Filed under:

It sounded like the headlines from Weekly World News:

And the pictures were gruesome.

Maya Nava Tongue Surgery To Lose Weight from Starling Fitness

I nearly dismissed it as untrue until I saw the BBC symbol on the pictures. They are from an episode of Extreme Beauty Queens on BBC.

You can see the video here:

At the 2:36 minute mark, she talks about the work she has had done to her body, nose and teeth, but the mesh comes at the 3:11 mark. She said:

Yes, I’ve had a mesh put on my tongue.

The plastic patch is sewn onto the tongue, making it too painful to eat real food. My stomach turns just looking at the video.

The worst part is that it wouldn’t work for me. I would cut the thing off myself or keep eating despite the pain. In fact, during the worst of my gluten days, I kept eating bread and pasta until my intestines bled. I would have never lost weight with a torture device like this. I would have just melted down milkshakes or blended up Big Macs.

Devices like that mesh plastic approach the problem the wrong way. Just like having your jaw wired shut or your stomach torn apart and sewn smaller, that plastic mesh sewn on the tongue is a torture device, plain and simple. It’s almost as if we feel that it’s a proper punishment for gluttony. But that’s the wrong way to look at it. I don’t know the right way, but that is certainly wrong.

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