It is amazing to me how so many things that I thought were good for me are actually BAD for me. Fatally bad for me. Almost killed me bad for me. For example, let’s look at judgment.
I always thought that my constant self-evaluation was good for me. Finding my flaws and eradicating them is what I thought made me a better person. That constant negative voice within my head, however is what almost made me eat myself to death. I was never good enough. I wasn’t a supermodel, so I must be fat and hideous.
It wasn’t just me that I judged, either. I constantly looked at others, finding the flaws in them and feeling superior when I noticed them. It’s not like I was subtle when I did it. My disdain was obvious and this judgmental behavior came between everyone I judged and myself. It was hard to maintain friendships. It was hard to even make friends. That look of judgment on my face was a constant reminder to everyone that I didn’t approve.
It also made me a pretty crappy employee. I was constantly judging my work environment, finding flaws in employee reimbursement or how the managers treated us. I always imagined myself to be a good employee because I was trying to make the company better, but in actuality, I was a bad employee, pointing out every problem whether it was important or not.
Judgment negatively affected every aspect of my life and made my life miserable. Instead of making me a better person, it made me binge. Instead of making me a better person, it made me lonely. Instead of making me a better person, it made me almost unhireable.
Giving up judgment is HARD. Telling myself that my body will never be perfect sounds like giving up to me. Telling myself that my friends are to be loved just as they are seems like a cop out. Telling myself that no company can be perfect sounds like settling. But all of those ideas are WRONG. Judgment HURTS me. It poisons my mind and makes good things seem bad.
Letting go of judgment isn’t easy, but it is possible. Keeping our minds open to the idea that nothing is perfect and that’s okay is something that we need to repeat to ourselves every day. It’s okay that we’re not at the weight that the government thinks we should be. If we still exercise every day and eat healthy, then we are doing the best that we can. We just might have to accept that we may never get to that weight. Accepting that friends sometimes flake on us or have irritating habits is hard, but it’s better than pushing them away with that guarded judgment that makes them feel unloved. Believing that our jobs are doing the best that they can to take care of their employees and make a profit sounds naive, but it’s better than having no job or health insurance.
Recognizing that judgment is a character defect was the first step. Letting go of it may take us a lifetime to achieve, but it is possible. Next time you feel yourself thinking that you can fix things or that things “should” be a certain way, then recognize those judgmental feelings within yourself and let them go. You will be stronger, healthier, happier and less lonely if you can.