Help Kevin Smith

By Laura Moncur @ 5:00 am — Filed under:

Kevin Smith on the set of Catch & Release

Kevin Smith is known for his Silent Bob character, but he is also the acclaimed director of movies like Jersey Girl (my favorite), Chasing Amy and Clerks. He writes regularly on his weblog and in January, he started a lifestyle change. You can read about it here, but if the title of his entry bothers you at all, don’t click the link.

He has a family history of diabetes. Considering his weight, he was worried that he was also going to become a victim of that disease.

So I took the glucose tolerance test – the blood test one undergoes to see if they’re diabetic or at least pre-diabetic. You fast for twelve hours, have blood drawn, down a bottle of sugar-heavy medicinal soda (in my case, orange-flavored), wait two hours, then have blood drawn again – all in an effort to track your body’s ability to deal with sugar (diabetes is, after all, the body’s inability to metabolize sugar normally). After taking the test, I went to Jersey for a week to hit some Devils games and play some poker – all while ignoring the distinct possibility that I’d passed the point of no return, and had, indeed, developed diabetes. Today, I went to the doctor’s office for my weigh-in and to face down the test results…

Which I passed with flying colors.

Apparently, my body knows what to do with sugar: it stores it as fat. Not great, but very awesome, considering the alternative. It was a wake-up call. I’ve beat the genetic odds thus far, but just because you haven’t shot yourself yet doesn’t mean you keep playing Russian Roulette. I’m putting the gun down, folks: the gun that’s filled with cake frosting.

He will be chronicling his efforts with weight loss and diet management on his weblog, so you can read more about his life there.

On another note, I feel for Kevin. The picture above was on his website with the following name: fatfuck.jpg. When I downloaded it, I renamed it to KevinSmithBefore.jpg because I couldn’t bear to let that name stand. Fat Fuck is something a grade school kid calls you, not something you call yourself. We become very attached to names, even when they hurt our feelings. I don’t want Kevin Smith to think of himself as a Fat Fuck, even if he’s overweight. Sorry, buddy! You’re going to have to be the glorious and grand Kevin Smith. I won’t let you be Fat Fuck.

What names have you been calling yourself? Time to let them go…

Update: Kevin decided to starve himself using the OptiFast program. If you care about this guy at all, please email him and tell him not to do this to himself. I have starved myself enough times to know that it will only make his weight issues worse. He is already teetering on the edge of a binge.


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