What Size Am I?

By Laura Moncur @ 5:00 am — Filed under:

When I lost 30 pounds, I went to the DI to get some clothes that would fit me and tide me over until I lost the rest of my weight. It was a difficult day. When you shop at a thrift store, you can’t really trust the sizes listed on the clothes. Sizes change with the years, but these clothes have been sitting in peoples’ basements for ages. Plus, back then, I had no idea what size I was. I was size 24 when I started with Weight Watchers, but after losing 30 pounds, I didn’t know anymore.

I went through the jeans several times. The first time, I was drowning in the pants. The second time, half the pants fit, the others were too big. I remember holding up a pair of jeans that fit comfortably. They looked so small, like clothing for a little girl. They were size 18. I look at size 18 clothes right now and they look too big, but back then, they seemed tiny.

When I first started losing weight, I struggled to know my body. Even now, I’ll look at a cute outfit and immediately reach for the back of the rack. My size isn’t there anymore, but my mind still hasn’t learned that yet.

I stayed at a loss of 50 pounds for over two years. It took that long to learn what size I was. To be able to pick up a piece of clothing and know whether it would fit was a skill that took two years to develop. Sometimes I think that people regain the weight because they don’t allow themselves enough time to relearn their new body size. Maintaining a weight loss for over two years is what it takes. Until then, your mind isn’t reprogrammed yet.

Body image has nothing to do with the size of your body. I lived in a size 18 body, but still reached for size 24 clothes. Body image is something that you have to consciously visualize in your mind, both before and after you have lost the weight.


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