Maybe I could even be the Donut Queen.

The saddest thing is, the Donut Queen doesn’t become the queen by eating the donuts. She becomes the queen because she DOESN’T eat the donuts.

If you think this is a fluke, this Donut Queen thing went on for quite some time. I’ve seen photos from 1948-1951.

In fact, National Donut Week is still an event in the UK, supporting The Children’s Trust. Buying donuts to help children is an oxymoron. It would be better to just donate the money to The Children’s Trust outright than to go through a middleman like a donut bakery.

If you want to help people, donate money directly to them.

If you want to be the donut queen, you can never eat donuts.

What a strange world we live in.

I’ve gotten to the point where I feel as if all other drinks are contaminated water. They’re kind of what I need, but have been contaminated with sugar or artificial sweeteners. It’s not nearly as bad as sewage water, but I have the same feeling about it. If Diet Coke came out of my kitchen tap, I would call the city, worried about the quality of my water, yet I was willing to drink it for most of my adult life.

I don’t know if the contaminated water idea is a mental trick I’m playing on myself to make drinking merely water easier, but I don’t care. For years, I’ve known that I should just be drinking water instead of soda, but I never bothered to do it. Now that I have the concept of soda being contaminated water, I’ve had no trouble choosing contamination-free water.

He’s promoting his book, The Art and Science of Low Carbohydrate Living, so I downloaded the book on Amazon, but I haven’t had a chance to read it. I really like in the video how he emphasizes when something hasn’t been proven scientifically. He’ll mention the theories, but clarify when it hasn’t been shown in clinical trials.

If you’ve been wondering how to lose weight AND maintain the loss with a low carb diet, this video is a pretty good introduction.

Update 05-14-12: The book is VERY technical and not very good for the lay individual. I was able to follow it, but BARELY and there was little in there for advice as far as adhering to the plan aside from adding more fat into your diet when you reach the maintenance phase (which is different than the original low carb diets suggested). This really just a book for you to give to your doctor so they stop telling you to reduce the fat in your diet. Skip it and buy The New Atkins for a New You instead. Dr. Phinney contributed to that book and it is much more helpful if you need to know how to eat low carb.

The advice and quotes were both helpful and disturbing to me.

• Eat less, weigh less, fail less, feel less This one was disturbing. I don’t want to FEEL less. If anything, I feel as if I’m wrapped in cotton when I’m fat. I want to feel MORE.
• Eat slower, full faster That’s true. I wish I could learn how to slow down my eating.
• Eat only when needed. Occupy your mind This one was helpful. I tend to eat when I get bored. It really helps me to keep busy.
• Don’t do anything today that you’ll regret tomorrow YES! Almost EVERYTHING I’ve done in the past I’ve regretted. I want to stop regretting my decisions about food.
• Eat on darker colored plates to eat less I have no idea if this is true or not.
• Take pictures of yourself weekly. Wouldn’t you want to look different every time? Never in my life have I lost weight quickly enough to show progress on a weekly basis. Is this even possible?
• Drink and eat everything cold to burn calories I’ve heard this before. The difference in calorie burn between cold and hot food/beverages is so minimal that it would have little effect.
• Anyone can have inner beauty, but a very few can earn real beauty inside as well as out. Problem is, even when I was thin, I never felt beautiful. This one doesn’t really work for me.
• Every time you say “No, thank you,” you say “Yes, please,” to thin I had never thought of it that way. This just might help me say, “No, thank you,” to my family more often.
• Every day that you succeed you get one day closer to your goal God, I need to say this to myself EVERY DAY.
• Do not think of today’s failures, but of the successes that may come tomorrow If I did that, I’d just be dreaming all the time instead of actually doing what I need to do.
• Thin people look good in any kind of clothes This is something I have told myself over and over, but I don’t really know if it’s true. I keep thinking it will be easier to find clothes I like if I were just thinner, but I don’t really know.
• Anyone can be thin some aren’t trying hard enough Is this true? Can anyone be thin? I’ve failed so many times that I’m beginning to believe that it might not be true.

More importantly, the girls in that video are SUPER thin, which isn’t my goal. I’d love some HEALTHY thinspiration, but whenever I look for some, all I find are these kind of videos. At least I got a couple of quotes from the video that helped me and I’ll leave the rest of it to the borderline anorexia pile.

Ingredients:

• 6 mini Portabella mushrooms (or 2 large Portabella mushroom caps)
• 1/2 cup marinara sauce (Get the kind without any added sugar. Tomatoes have enough carbs on their own.)
• 1/2 oz. pepperoni (approx. 6 slices)
• 2 oz. black olives
• 3 oz. Mozzarella cheese

Directions

• Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
• Clean mushrooms and scoop out the insides and stem with a spoon.Place on baking pan and bake for 7 minutes.
• While mushrooms are baking, grate Mozzarella.
• Remove mushrooms from oven, and turn the broiler to High.
• On the mushrooms layer pizza sauce, cheese mixture, olives, and pepperoni slices. Return pan to oven and broil on High for 3 minutes or until cheese has melted and started to brown.

I can’t wait to try this on my own!

Recipe and photo via Portabella Pizza Bites – P90x Recipes – P90x Nutrition Plan » My P90x Nutrition Plan

Sure, every once and a while, the media trots out the studies that have shown that eating artificially sweetened foods actually made rats GAIN weight, but they never provide links to the actual studies.

Yesterday, I found them:

Behavioral Neuroscience, Vol 122(1), Feb 2008: A role for sweet taste: Calorie predictive relations in energy regulation by rats.

Animals may use sweet taste to predict the caloric contents of food. Eating sweet noncaloric substances may degrade this predictive relationship, leading to positive energy balance through increased food intake and/or diminished energy expenditure.

These experiments were designed to test the hypothesis that experiences that reduce the validity of sweet taste as a predictor of the caloric or nutritive consequences of eating may contribute to deficits in the regulation of energy by reducing the ability of sweet-tasting foods that contain calories to evoke physiological responses that underlie tight regulation.

Adult male Sprague-Dawley rats were given differential experience with a sweet taste that either predicted increased caloric content (glucose) or did not predict increased calories (saccharin).

We found that reducing the correlation between sweet taste and the caloric content of foods using artificial sweeteners in rats resulted in increased caloric intake, increased body weight, and increased adiposity, as well as diminished caloric compensation and blunted thermic responses to sweet-tasting diets. These results suggest that consumption of products containing artificial sweeteners may lead to increased body weight and obesity by interfering with fundamental homeostatic, physiological processes.

Behavioral Neuroscience, Vol 123(4), Aug 2009: General and persistent effects of high-intensity sweeteners on body weight gain and caloric compensation in rats.

In an earlier work (S. E. Swithers & T. L. Davidson, 2008), rats provided with a fixed amount of a yogurt diet mixed with saccharin gained more weight and showed impaired caloric compensation relative to rats given the same amount of yogurt mixed with glucose.

The present 4 experiments examined the generality of these findings and demonstrated that increased body weight gain was also demonstrated when animals consumed a yogurt diet sweetened with an alternative high-intensity sweetener (acesulfame potassium; AceK) as well as in animals given a saccharin-sweetened base diet (refried beans) that was calorically similar but nutritionally distinct from low-fat yogurt.

These studies also extended earlier findings by showing that body weight differences persist after saccharin-sweetened diets are discontinued and following a shift to a diet sweetened with glucose. In addition, rats first exposed to a diet sweetened with glucose still gain additional weight when subsequently exposed to a saccharin-sweetened diet.

The results of these experiments add support to the hypothesis that exposure to weak or nonpredictive relationships between sweet tastes and caloric consequences may lead to positive energy balance.

Nothing Sweet

These two studies show that artificial sweeteners cause weight gain in rats compared to those eating glucose, but what if I eat NOTHING SWEET? There is no science saying that this will help me lose weight, only that I should avoid artificial sweeteners.

All I know is that my constant obsession with food is abated when I avoid eating anything with a sweet taste. The science of weight loss is so infantile right now that we have no idea what works on a long term basis. It makes me feel quite hopeless.

It reads:

If you could see the insides of bowling ball holes, nobody would ever bowl again.

Bowling isn’t really a cardio sport, but I have had sore muscles after a bowling party many times. I call it Bowling Butt and sore muscles means I must have been working SOMETHING, so don’t let bowling fears stop you from getting a fun workout.

Fear 1: Germs

If thoughts of germs in the bowling ball holes or wearing shoes that have been worn by hundreds of other people bother you, here are some ideas to get past them.

• Clean them yourself: Bring some Lysol or your favorite antibiotic cleaner and clean the bowling balls yourself. You can also spray the insides of the shoes with Lysol.

• Wear disposable socks: Wear an old pair of socks to the bowling alley and bring a new pair with you. After you bowl, throw away the old pair of socks and put on the fresh pair.

• Invest in your own: Bringing your own bowling ball and shoes to the alley not only saves you a bit of money on shoe rental, but it’s better for you. The ball has been drilled specifically for your hand and the shoes fit you better than any rentals could.

Fear 2: I’ll Look Dumb

I was completely surprised by some of the responses when I said that I was enjoying bowling.

Aren’t you afraid of looking stupid?

Aren’t you bothered when your score is so low and posted on those TVs for everyone to see?

I’d play, but I get so many gutter balls, it’s embarrassing!

Since Mike and I went bowling just to have some fun and maybe get a little exercise, it never occurred to me to be embarrassed by it. I don’t get great scores. I throw gutter balls and air balls all the time. I have even fallen on my butt a couple of times with those slippery bowling shoes. I have never felt embarrassed.

Why? Because I look at the end product. The most perfect bowlers look just as silly as I do when they bowl. Take this video for example. Brian Voss does an AMAZING job of picking up a 7-10 split, which is the hardest thing to do while bowling.

In all honesty, he looks a little dorky out there bowling, even though he did something amazing. If the best bowler looks a little dorky, then I don’t need to worry about being embarrassed. I’ll just go out there and have some fun.

Fear #3: I Don’t Know How To Keep Score

This was a big fear for me. When I was a kid, my dad kept score, but I never learned how to do it. By the time Mike and I went bowling, the entire bowling industry had changed. Now, there is automatic scoring at almost every bowling alley. The most archaic of bowling alleys in Salt Lake City uses this system from the early 80′s.

The automatic scoring systems take care of all that stuff for you so you can just get a fun workout and have an idea of who is winning. The more you play, the more you’ll learn about bowling and how to score your games, so you don’t need to worry about this at all.

If you REALLY want to know, however, you can find out everything about how to score bowling here: Wikipedia Bowling Scoring

Fear #4: The People Are Distracting

This has been my own biggest deterrent to going bowling over the last few months. Whether it’s the screaming kids, the dating teenagers or the drunk league players, there are times when it’s downright UNPLEASANT to go bowling.

The key to getting past this fear is knowing the bowling alleys in your area and knowing their schedules. I’ll gladly bowl next to drunk league players because they know the rules of the game and do their sloppy best to be polite. But the birthday party of screeching five year olds? I’d rather avoid them. The teenagers more interested in making out during Cosmic Bowling are basically harmless, but the family of idiots who allow their kids to overrun not only their own lane, but mine as well are infuriating.

I avoid the bowling alley that is connected to the arcade and pizza parlor because that one tends to attract the screeching parties and idiot families. I bowl late on the weekends because the loud music and dark atmosphere of Cosmic Bowling tends to drown out the teenagers in the next lane. I bowl right before the leagues start because I’m more likely to encounter someone who knows the rules and is warming up for their games.

I know my limitations, so I avoid the bowling alleys and times that are irritating to me. All you need to do is do the same. Maybe the sound of children’s voices is like music to your ears. If so, you’ll bowl at a very different bowling alley and at different times than I would.

No Excuses

No matter what fears you can pluck out of the ether to avoid going bowling, in the end, they’re all just excuses. Don’t let excuses get in the way of a fun workout for you and your family. Don’t let bowling fears stop you from getting your own case of the Bowling Butt!

After watching the video, I found myself wondering what DDP Yoga was. Apparently, it’s a DVD yoga program offered by Diamond Dallas Page, a former professional wrestler. The program seemed really expensive at $105 for the complete set. At my Five Buck Workout calculation, you would have to workout with those DVDs three times a week for almost seven weeks to make it worthwhile. It’s hard to justify spending that much on yoga DVDs when you can buy so many different boxed set of yoga videos from Amazon for under $40.

• Yoga for Weight Loss (Deluxe 3 DVD set with over 30 routines) at Amazon.com
• Yoga for Beginners Boxed Set (Yoga for Stress Relief / AM-PM Yoga for Beginners / Essential Yoga for Inflexible People) at Amazon.com
• Ultimate Yoga Makeover, 5 Volume Set at Amazon.com

Heck, you can even find full-length yoga workouts for FREE on YouTube. Here are a couple that might be good if you are just getting started out:

It’s possible to transform your life, just as Arthur did, but you don’t need to shell out over a hundred bucks to do it. Borrow yoga videos from the library, buy cheap yoga videos from Amazon, or even find free yoga videos on the Internet. Just like Arthur says, “Do not waste any time thinking you are stuck – you can take control over your life, and change it faster than you might think.”

Via: Boing Boing: Disabled vet transforms himself though yoga

Here’s a video from the creators describing it:

I wish I could download it RIGHT NOW for today’s workout, but I’ll have to wait until the end of the month when it will be released for the iPhone. If you are an Android user, you’ll have to wait a little longer. It is available for preorder and I’ve paid my amount so I can start training for the zombie apocalypse now.

Via Zombies Running App For iPhone and Android

Update 02-25-12: The Zombies, Run! game went live for people who pre-ordered yesterday, but it was too late for me to take on my run, so I ran with it this morning. I haven’t gone running outside in the cold for MONTHS, so I was worried that this workout would be too intense for me. Fortunately, this app works with every fitness level. If you can barely walk, all you have to do is walk a little faster when the zombies are coming for you. Believe me, the story is captivating enough to make you WANT to walk a little faster.

My usual walks have been at about 3mph, but after I finished my workout today, I walked/ran an average of 4mph. Sure, it was hard, but it felt good to get away from the zombies, especially the previous Runner 5.

While this app works on the treadmill, you cannot enable Zombie Chase Mode unless you’re running with GPS. I ran outside in the cold wind today, but the unpleasant weather was hardly noticeable. I was planning on just doing a treadmill workout, but I really wanted to experience the zombie chases, so I dug into my workout drawer and found the winter sweatshirt and ear warmers to brave the chill.

I planned on doing a 20 minute walk, but when the game told me to make a detour to the hospital to pick up some first aid kits, I LITERALLY extended my planned workout and walked to the nearest InstaCare. I don’t believe the game could see that I was close to the local hospital, but it was an added bit of realism that extended my workout to 33 minutes without feeling like drudgery. In fact, I felt proud that I was able to pick up all those bandages and first aid kits on the way.

There is a robotic voice that breaks in during my music that tells me when I’ve picked up supplies. Most of the time, I can’t understand what it said, but I can see my complete inventory when I get back from my run. I guess just knowing that I picked up SOMETHING is enough for me.

I didn’t get caught by the zombies, but the game says that if I can’t run fast enough, I will have to drop supplies in order to distract them. Mostly, the sound of a zombie behind me was enough to keep me going faster. The idea of needing to run in order to survive is a great motivator. I’ve talked about this before:

• Starling Fitness – Fitness, diet, and health weblog » Primal Workout: Trick Your Body Into Getting Thin

Instead of a pack of rabid dogs, this time, I’m running away from the zombie apocalypse. This app is EXACTLY what I wanted from a primal workout. Strangely, I can’t wait to go running again tomorrow.

Ingredients:

• 1 package bacon
• 1 box of eggs
• Shredded cheddar, crumbled goat cheese, or any cheese you like
• Chopped herbs such as chives, dill, thyme

Directions:

• On medium heat, fry bacon on a skillet until slightly browned on each side, but still pliable – don’t let them get crispy
• Drain on paper towels and let cool
• Preheat oven to 400
• Line muffin cups (or ramekins) with bacon slices, making sure to cover the bottom too (tear off chunks of bacon to fill the bottom)
• Crack an egg into each cup
• Add cheese on top
• Sprinkle with herbs, salt and freshly cracked pepper
• Bake until set, approx 15 min
• Carefully run a knife around each to loosen from the cup and remove

Via: WIN!: Breakfast Cakes WIN – EPIC FAIL Funny Videos and Epic Fail Funny Pictures