Question of the Week: Laura’s Writeup

By Laura Moncur @ 5:00 pm — Filed under:

I thought it was gone. I thought I was finished with bingeing. Sure, I hadn’t gone three months without a lapse, but my lapses were only lasting a couple of hours. This last binge has lasted days and I’m still struggling with it.

Part of the reason is that I’m sad right now. After going to a wonderful convention (SXSW), I came home to Salt Lake City and was immediately confronted by isolation and loneliness. So I’m dealing with that, but I am still sad.

The rest of the reason should be a good thing. My IBS is almost gone. I would consider myself cured if I wasn’t taking acidophilus pills every day. As long as I swallow one of those capsules from the refrigerator every day, I am completely free from my stomach symptoms I had before. That means I can eat massive quantities of food without any physical repercussions. My stomach will feel full, but I no longer feel like someone has stabbed me in the gut when I eat more than two cups of food.

That should be a good thing, right?

I’ve just been taking advantage of my new-found eating freedom. For the first time in six years, I can eat WHATEVER I want without pain. Everything that I have avoided for health reasons and to prevent stomach pain have been consumed in the last couple of weeks.

Suddenly, I feel like a fraud writing for this site because my eating is out of control. After so many years of restrictive eating, it feels wrong to go to a restaurant, eat an appetizer, my full entree AND dessert. It feels wrong, but nothing hurts inside, so I’m happy.

Yeah, I’m happy until I try to button my jeans.

So, now I have to take my own advice and ask myself the question, “What motivates me to eat healthy and exercise?”

My stomach feels great and I feel like I have no answer at all…


4 Responses to “Question of the Week: Laura’s Writeup”

  1. VH Melville Says:

    I just read your post. My acid reflux didn’t stop me from binging. I didn’t know I had it for years. I stuffed myself silly even though it made me sick. Do not feel like a fraud. You are doing the best you can and we all make mistakes. You are not a fraud. You are an amazing person.

  2. Ali Says:

    Well, I for one don’t think you are a fraud at all. I get so much more motivation and inspiration from someone like yourself who has actually been there, done that than I ever could from someone who has never had a weight struggle or dealt with emotional eating.

    Prevention magazine has a very good article about binging in the May issue. The author (Geneen Roth) says that a binge is a message and that we need to listen.

    Thanks for your very helpful site.


  3. Tapati Says:

    A binge is a natural response to deprivation for anyone who has ever been a dieter. Why not make a list of these foods that you were deprived of for so long, and work a regular schedule of enjoying them in moderation into your schedule. Knowing that you are planning to have them may help you avoid a binge. Any food is fine in small quantities.

    In a restaurant, I take along a container and put half of my entree and even the appetizer in to take home if I want dessert.

    Also, remember the principle that if you try to avoid eating what you truly crave, you may end up eating five other things instead because your true craving wasn’t satisfied.

    You’ll bounce back to normal when you’ve satisfied your cravings for the forbidden foods. I went through this after my gallbladder surgery when fried foods were suddenly safe after years of avoiding them.

  4. Tish Grier Says:

    I felt the same way after I came back from SXSW too! The lonliness and isolation takes its toll…

    And, no, you’re not a fraud. I struggled with IBS, too, and it was just nice to be able to eat a meal without having to run right to the bathroom afterward. For a short time, I ate like every meal was my last meal because it felt, on a physical level, okay–very different from when I was hurting all the time. Once I got used to feeling okay, I was able to say to myself, “okay, do I really need that dessert this time. it’s always going to be on the menu, maybe I’ll have it next time.” Realizing that each meal wasn’t a good-bye meal helped a lot.

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